Our world has lost an amazing strong, funny, feisty, lovely woman. I also lost a very dear friend when Sharon Hoeker died on September 24. I’ve been sitting with this news for some time (clearly), trying to feel my way to the right words to honor Sharon and my friendship with her.
Sharon was about 3 years into her battle with stage 4 breast cancer when I met her in early 2015. We became fast friends when she began volunteering with the crew I manage at The Ark. As a volunteer administrator, I am hyper conscious of maintaining a professional relationship with my volunteers – while being friendly and welcoming to everyone. Sharon felt to me like a soul I should have already known for my entire life. It felt almost comical as an adult to happen on this person who surely would be a BFF, and to say “I feel like we need to be friends. Outside of The Ark. Like we should have coffee and stuff!”
And so we had coffee and stuff (I think we both had tea though, I’m not actually a coffee drinker)! Sharon and I had different backgrounds, but endless overlap of the things we loved and the things that were important to us and the things in this world that worried us most. We shared experience with addiction – Sharon’s own, and my family background. As I live with multiple sclerosis and Sharon was living with breast cancer, we shared common experiences in our medical adventures and frightening diseases. We did not share a terminal diagnosis. Except that everything alive ultimately shares a terminal diagnosis, right? It was difficult for me to imagine that my should-have-been lifelong friend would leave this world “so soon,” but it also feels miraculous to me that Sharon and I crossed paths at all.
I did not have the opportunity to connect with many others in Sharon’s outstanding circle of love and support. I got to know her sister Elyssa a bit as they attended shows together at The Ark. I have not yet met Sharon’s young adult twin sons. I was not a part of Sharon’s entire journey with cancer. But I will miss her presence and friendship forever. I will miss having Sharon as a “new” friend, found when I was in my mid 40s! I will miss her sense of humor and her tenacity. I will miss just conversing with her. I will miss following the same animal rescue organizations that she did and dreaming about all the animals we will save. I will be a lifelong supporter of organizations working to provide hospice care for animals nearing the ends of their lives. (Sharon rescued many pets over her years, and for the past many years she focused on aged, medically fragile, and ill animals who required end of life care.) Compassionate Care Animal Hospital and Last Day Dog Rescue were two of the organizations Sharon loved.
Making friends as a child never felt like a task or an assignment, but being an adult doesn’t necessarily have meeting new fantastic friends built into it. Adulting is hard enough as it is, and it would likely be unbearable without friends. Make new friends, no matter your age. It might feel funny to say to someone “I just really think we should be friends,” but do it anyway. When you feel a connection to a brand new person, they probably feel a connection to you too. Invite them to be a part of your circle.
Blessed Be, Sharon. You were a strong wonderful gem of a person, and I am so lucky to have shared a friendship with you. You were a superhero for sure, and I will watch for your beautiful light among the stars.
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